Top 5 Ways to Get Bail Bonds – A Sarcastic, Humorous Look

Top 5 Ways to Get Bail Bonds – A Sarcastic, Humorous Look

Some of you surprise at times how to get bail bonds in Van Nuys. We have put together a list of possible ways to do this. Now, there are currently 100′s of ways to acquire bail bonds in Van Nuys, but we are only going to list some of the most popular choices by our current criminal base and idiot offenders. This article is NOT how to get bailed out, but is a spoof on how people get arrested and end up getting issued bail bonds by the police department.

  1. This is the #1 choice by most offenders. Start screaming at your wife or girlfriend. Get her all riled up. Then start throwing things at her. Then start pushing her around and continue with this formula until she calls the cops. Then when the Van Nuys Police department shows up, say, “yes, of course I shoved her, and I’d do it again.” Seconds later you’ll have those cuffs on and you’ll be riding to the Van Nuys Jail. When you get there, you’ll have bail bonds in Van Nuys, you’d probably be looking at a $50,000 bail bonds.


  2. DUI-this is an obvious choice, but if you are very ambitious, here’s how you’d go about getting bail bonds in Van Nuys. Drink, drink some more, and when you feel you are tipsy, drink a little more. Next, get in your car, and excursion it in to a telephone pole. Make sure you go slow enough that you don’t kill yourself. Next, sit, relax, and wait for the officers to show up and ask you that famous question. “Have you been drinking sir?” In order to get bail bonds in Van Nuys, your answer should be, “yes, of course officer, truly I have one here, would you like some?”



  3. Theft- Walk in to Macy’s and wander around stuffing items in your pants, undercoat, or wherever you can put the items you are shoplifting. Then hang out for a while, make sure an employee sees you doing it. Then hang out a little while longer so that the security people can be alerted, some times this takes forever, then run out the door of the mall and head towards your car. Hopefully they will have called the police by then.


  4. Grand theft-This one’s pretty easy, walk in to the local bank, hand the teller a observe saying, “please give me at the minimum $400 and if you can give me $5,000, that would be better.” Make sure you give her time to ring the silent alarm. Next, walk out and sit in your car. Be patient, if you want bail bonds in Van nuys, you’ll have to wait for the police to show up. When they get there, make sure your hands are where they can see them, this way they won’t shoot you, oh, and move slowly, don’t have toy guns in the car or clothes, and don’t reach for your phone if it rings.


  5. Identity Theft-take someones credit card and if you can get their driver’s license, already better. Next, go use the credit card and shop til’ you drop. The hard part about this felony is getting caught. Its not as immediate as the past four. But it’s nevertheless a top choice for the criminals these days. A good way to be caught would be to continuously go back to the same store and also to call the credit card yourself and report is as stolen, give them the store you were shopping at, and tell them the store has video tape surveillance. If that nevertheless takes a long time for the police to show up, give them a call yourself and say you know the guy using the stolen card, he’s a brother or something, and here’s his address. The police should show up soon, maybe already that day if you are lucky.


There are the top 5 ways people are getting bail bonds Van Nuys today during this wonderful holiday season. The rankings change daily with the theft and grand theft ranking higher at times. Tune in next time when we find out how to take care of your bail bonds in Van Nuys.

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